Romance in a Relationship — Paulo and Josh's Great Adventure

What does romance look like when you've been in a relationship for a few years? Well, it looks like picking up ice cream when they're having a bad day. Or making the bed and tidying up the apartment because you want them to come home to a happy place. Or calling your partner's family to check in on them. In the beginning, romance looks like wooing, big gestures, anticipation, and demonstrations of genuine interest in the other person. Several years in, it starts to look like thoughtfulness, patience, generosity, negotiation, and teamwork.

For Valentine's Day, we went to see Fifty Shades Freed. Josh wasn't thrilled with the idea and didn't want to go when I suggested it much earlier. But when he texted me, "You pick what we do for Valentine's Day - we've done a lot of my stuff lately," I jumped on it. Let me repeat: romance is thoughtful, patient, generous, and negotiated. It was a silly movie with a 12% on Rotten Tomatoes, and barely had a plot, but it still was the most popular movie to open this week, bringing in nearly $11 million. Mostly people laughed during the movie. Even the "erotic" parts. And definitely when Jamie Dornan sings Paul McCartney's, "Maybe I'm Amazed." He sang beautifully, but perhaps it didn't go with his brooding, explosive character, Christian Grey. I wouldn't go so far to say that Josh liked it, but he felt good that everyone laughed and that I was happy. His favorite part was the Audi R8 chase, which ends right by my office in Pioneer Square. There was also some great house inspo with a magical Tudor mansion on Puget Sound (but really Whistler) and a modern ski chalet in Aspen (but really Vancouver). I enjoyed all of it without guilt, just pleasure. Especially this scene, which Buzzfeed turned into GIF (I still don't feel guilty because I think Josh looks like Jamie Dornan but cuter):

When Josh said, "we've done a lot of my stuff lately," he means we spent our last couple of weekends hiking in Joshua Tree and camping at Rialto Beach. I'm not complaining. These are cool experiences and are really fun. (And BTW Twilight is set in Forks, near Rialto Beach, which made it extra exciting.) More importantly, it feeds Josh's soul to be out in the wilderness. Mine too, especially in the sunshine and by the ocean. We are very conscious of each other's happiness, because while I feel restored from our outdoor activities, I need to feel inspired by the beautiful things that people create - comfortable homes, innovative food, chic clothes - and while Josh might try interesting food and live in a happy home, what he really needs is to be in nature and to unplug from his work. And when we do each other's activities, we make it as nice as possible for the other person.

When we were camping last weekend, Josh picked up some serious glamping gear to make it more pleasant for me, including the 6-person tent (featured in the above cover photo) with a divider between bedroom and living room, a queen-sized inflatable foam mattress, and new cooking equipment that we used to make really good meals like a lox breakfast burrito, savory bacon and eggs oatmeal, and Cuban rice and chicken from The New Camp Cookbook.

Get this camp cookbook. You won't regret it.

Similarly, Josh came to Palm Springs with my family over the Christmas holiday, and knowing he's an introvert, I made sure he had some extra space to recharge by himself, get outdoors, and spend some time together. He spent a lot of time in the lounge chair below. We know we are different people, so we are deliberate in how we support the other's needs. In short, romance in a relationship looks basically like caring about someone else as much as - or perhaps more than - yourself and finding ways to make them happy.

Happy Valentine's Day!